For a long time, I wasn’t always safe going in public. I had medical issues that caused a lot of dysregulation. We needed to limit my time out of the house. I still went out sometimes, but it was extremely limited compared to what I would want to be doing. The outings I looked forward to most were car rides around town, where I could just look out the window. I know many autistic people need to do this. It was definitely necessary, but also came with its own set of problems.

Once I was safe going out, I often didn’t want to because being home was more comfortable. I also had little confidence that I would be successful. I worried about embarrassing myself if I fell into old patterns. At the same time, I trusted my family wouldn’t encourage me to go out if they didn’t think I could be successful. That was a big benefit of staying in all that time. I knew my loved ones and staff would push me to improve, but wouldn’t push me so far that I would snap.

With practice being back in the community, I was able to see I could be successful, and my confidence grew. With better confidence, my anxiety decreased around outings. Less anxiety meant even better regulation. I had a lot of shame about going in public and eloping or being aggressive. Shame is rarely considered when it comes to non-speaker’s behavior. The shame I had added stress and contributed to more regulation problems. It was not an easy cycle to get out of medically or emotionally. Short outings and wins turned into big ones. Now I can go almost anywhere (see picture). If you or your loved one is going through this, know it can get better.