A lot has changed for me this year. I am going to school and have less time with home therapists. I thought it would be easier than it has been and I am not as included as I thought I would be. I have a great aide and the school has provided amazing resources, but I am too different to fit in anywhere it seems. Special ed is too easy, but general ed is too social for my sensory system to handle on most days. It doesn’t seem there is a middle ground and it’s unfortunate. I am not retaining much information because my sensory system is screaming at me to run out and never come back.
This has been a learning experience and I am glad I have done it, regardless of how much sleep I have lost thinking about it. My idea of inclusion is a lot different than the school’s. I think the best way to include people like me is in the same building, but in a classroom of our own. We can follow the general ed curriculum without the added stress of what feels like hundreds of voices screaming at once, when to neurotypicals it is just whispering. Quieting the other students will not help. It is not their fault and it will be too much for me no matter what the volume is because it is simply too many people in one place. My team and family, especially my mom and Taylor, have been so optimistic about my ability to thrive and be happy at school with some adjustments. I know that that is just exhausting a lost cause that I am fine with and have accepted as an amazing lesson learned. I will keep trying because I always do, but I think the system of inclusion in general aims to put people in typical boxes that we don’t belong in or want. Autistics everywhere need to come together and create our own boxes. We shouldn’t have to fit in the typical box unless we choose to. I know who I am and what my skills are and no one should decide that for me.